My Plan

Dear Friend,

We are thrilled you plan to reach out to your relative. Here are the best recommendations based on the most relevant research for your upcoming conversation with him.


  • Alert a close friend that you plan to have the conversation; make sure this friend is available to offer support after the conversation.
  • Speak in your own loving voice.
  • Make it clear you welcome an open and honest conversation.
  • Be patient; change takes place over time.

Common points of view

The primary reasons your relative might offer for why he does not support LGBT equality are that he believes:

  • Being LGBT is a choice. Church and state should not condone immoral choices like this. Source
  • Homosexual relationships are different from relationships between a man and a woman. Men and women in heterosexual relationships are focused on love and commitment to one another. Gays and lesbians just care about sex. Source
  • The Word of God is inerrant and the Bible is clear on the immorality of homosexuality. Having a relationship with someone of the same sex is a sin. Nothing can change that. Source
  • Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality threatens the family. Source

Suggested Strategies

  • Emphasize the core message of the Bible: love your neighbor. Example: "My god is a God of love and compassion…Jesus said nothing about homosexuality at all, but he did talk a lot about love of of neighbor." Source
  • Do not allow the conversation to be framed as the religious case against vs. the secular case for LGBT equality. This will not likely lead to a productive conversation. Focus on the moral and social justice aspect of LGBT equality in terms that make the most sense to the specific religious tradition of the person you are trying to move. Source
  • Bring up the Golden Rule, which guides many people of faith in their understanding and movement toward ending the exclusion of gay and lesbian couples from marriage. Treating others as we would want to be treated includes allowing loving and committed gay couples to marry. Source
  • Reassure the person you are speaking with that legalizing marriage for same-sex couples would not ever force any church or clergyperson to perform same-sex marriages. The church is protected by law that separates church and state policy. (For the same reason, no church has to perform interfaith marriages.) Source
  • Focus your story on the family, and how important it is to society - and to individuals. Specifically, focus your story on how families and social structures are disturbed when LGBT people are rejected. Source
More Suggested Strategies

If these recommendations do not work for you, or you can improve upon them, please send your thoughts to We will incorporate your experience into our recommendations. Thank you for the work you are doing to effect equality for all.

Please take care and best wishes to you,

The team at the Friends and Family Plan

Email My Plan

Thank you! Your Plan has been sent.

If you do not see your Plan in your inbox shortly, please check your spam folder for a message from

Error! while submitting form.